The following is a space for any concluding thoughts to the design document. These can either be serious, humorous, helpful, not-helpful, or anything that anyone deems necessary, as a means of bringing this document to a conclusion.
The Seven Commandments All Video Games Should Obey¶
From Cracked.com. Ever so slightly modified.- Thou shalt let us play your game with real-life friends.
- Thou shalt not pad the length of your games.
- Thou shalt not put huge stretches of land between objectives.
- Thou shalt not add pointless, mandatory fetch quests.
- Thou shalt not force repetition on the player.
- Thou shalt not have the player replay levels due to limited save points.
- Thou shalt not force the player to watch cutscenes repeatedly.
- Thou shalt not use ANY instant failure quicktime events.
- Thou shalt make killing fun.
- Thou shalt not start the player off with a bullshit weapon.
- Thou shalt not fill the game with tiny rodent enemies.
- Thou shalt not have bullets that have no visible effect in the game.
- Thou shalt not fill the game with hordes of cookie-cutter bad guys.
- Thou shalt admit when enough is enough.
- Thou shalt not have any goddamned escort missions.
- Thou shalt not have any suck-ass CPU-controlled squad teammates.
- Thou shalt not make a first-person jumping puzzles, if thou does not want a kick to the groin.
- Thou shalt not make a World War II game. There are too many already.
- Thou shalt exclude the grizzled space marine. Thou shalt let him actually retire, dammit.
- Thou shalt make sure your game actually works.
- Thou shalt not port thy game after about five minutes of beta testing.
- Thou shalt not release thy game on a console that can't really run the damn thing.
- Thou shalt avoid excessive load times.
- Thou shalt realize that better graphics do not equal innovation and/or creativity.
- Thou shalt hire real writers ...
- ... and then hire competent voice actors to say the lines.
- Thou shalt put some work into the ending.
Five Plot Devices That Make Good Video Games Suck
From Cracked.com. Ever so slightly modified. These may seem a bit specific, but even a moron should get the point...- "Hey, Nico! Instead of hijacking that armored truck, let's go bowling!"
- "I can get you what you need. But first, you must do something for me."
- "Got the files? Good work, now come on home. You can go out the way you came in."
- "Your weapons won't work here! You are going to have to go sneaky for this one."
- "Now you can either kill Boris and become evil, or let him go, and become good! It actually doesn't matter either way."
Disclaimers and Bullshit¶
STARFLIGHT, STARFLIGHT TWO: TRADE ROUTES OF THE CLOUD NEBULA and all related materials are Copyright 1986, 1989 by Binary Systems, All Rights Reserved. Permission of use of material has been obtained by the Starflight III Project.
WARNING: The servers, routers and individual terminals from which this document may be accessed consist of 100% matter. Any incidental contact of any of these materials with antimatter in any form will result in a catastrophic explosion.
All of the contents of the aforementioned hardware used to produce this document and the associated end product will exert an equal but opposite force to any force applied to said contents. This phenomenon is not unique to this game design document.
The entire physical universe, including this design document and its contents, could very well collapse back into an infinitesimally small space with little or no advance warning. Should a new universe re-emerge, the existence of this design document in that universe cannot be guaranteed. Any game designer existing in that universe may piss off and start from scratch, like we had to.
Any reference to any life-form living, dead, or non-existent may or may not be coincidental and is probably intentional. If it is neither coincidental or intentional, or both at the same time, the universe is likely a figment of your imagination and you should either seek professional help or go live with the Kher.
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